Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He felt like a one man threesome
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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