This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize