Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
