the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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