This is not my ceiling
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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