Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
