Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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