you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
