There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
