I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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