and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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