3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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