I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
