She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
please come you make the beer taste better
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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