im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
