So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
