we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
