I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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