I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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