Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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