I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
