Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
