im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
