I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
this just has baby written all over it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
