You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
