Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
