Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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