Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize