I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
