speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
