I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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