I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize