he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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