can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
