This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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