I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
