Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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