How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is wine microwaveable?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
