Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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