Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
