I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
