from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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