We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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