Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
