I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
