Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
