my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
is it fun? or sober?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
