ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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