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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
