Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
