How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
