I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
