yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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