this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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