So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
