It's Friday. Sex?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
