My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
