My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We got so high we made milksteak
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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