i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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