saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you made out with another girl for some wings
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
