Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
