my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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