Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
