whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
