Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
