Duck Duck Cougar?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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