Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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