I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
