How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
