So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
