On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
