Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize