Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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