Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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