Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
