yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That's intense
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The best revenge is premature balding
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
