oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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