The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
