hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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