We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
