be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
