it wasn't lemon gatorade
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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