just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
