Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
