In the future we'll all be gay
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
