my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
