Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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