I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
