Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
