Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
