R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
