sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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