I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
