Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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