No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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