I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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