I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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