how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
