I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
birth control should be required to get into college
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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