He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
