It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
