I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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