In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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