I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
