it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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