how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
