I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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